Emotional Eating, it's Not About the Food

When your mind is constantly preoccupied with food, weight, and your body, it may be difficult to recognize that your struggles are really not about food at all. Most people who struggle with emotional eating have a deeper understanding of food in relation to studies, diets, and health than they’d care to share. When we can explore our food history to begin to see where our patterns were first picked up, we can more clearly see how it’s not information we are lacking. Rather, we want to explore how it came to be that food became the most accessible coping tool for emotional pain, which is about emotional avoidance and really has nothing to do with the food itself. 

If you have been stuck in yo-yo dieting struggles for much many years, gaining and losing the same X amount of weight over and over again, it feels like “it must be me, I must be the problem.” However, the awareness that it is actually NOT about the food can be difficult to wrap your head around because food and body thoughts constantly preoccupy your mind. When this awareness, it’s not about the food, can be fully internalized, it can begin to set free the feelings of failure and shame that a yo-yo dieting history can create. Diet culture has instilled the belief that a diet can save us, that it IS about the food, that a diet can solve all of our body-image struggles and give us confidence and happiness. We now have a lot of research and data that shows quite the opposite, that diets actually have a nearly 96% failure rate, and yet they make the dieter feel as though it’s their fault. The culture is changing, however, it’s slow as these beliefs are deeply embedded and extremely pervasive.

Most people have a food story. A story that begins with their body being up for discussion from a very young age. One that begins with being put on a diet very early in their life. One that begins with not being allowed to eat things their siblings were allowed to because of their body size. One that begins with food being offered as the only sign they received from care givers of being loved or cared for. One that begins with food being an escape from loneliness, isolation, fear, and pain. One where they were told to ignore their hunger/full cues in order to clean their plates, or due to guilt of hungry children in other countries. One where access to food was scarce and inconsistent. One where food was a punishment. One where a parent actively restricted their food, commented on their own and other people’s bodies with constant judgement. No matter what your food story is about, the middle, the place where we can recognize that it’s not about the food, is where there is an opportunity to seize the moment and develop a deeper self-awareness. When we can fully understand that it’s not about the food, then we are free to explore, then what is it actually about?

Writing out your food story can be deeply healing and meaningful. In both my online course and workbook, I offer guidance to go through this process as an exercise as it’s an essential component in the process of healing your relationship with food. Ideally we all want food to be just food. We all want food to be something we eat for nourishment, pleasure, connection, and to feel good. We want to stop the food noise, body checking, and just feel good. If you have a complicated relationship with food, or one where food is both a problem for you as well as the solution to your problem, we have to interrupt the cycle and begin to create openings for the relationship and patterns to change. With any relationship, there needs to be awareness, honesty, shared experience, and open, respectful communication. In order to heal and transform our relationship with food, as well as with ourselves, we have to unlearn the old beliefs, stories, and fear of food and our bodies from the toxicity of the past to one of mutual respect and care.

When you examine the past, it’s not about drudging up pain and suffering, or pointing fingers and blaming, it’s about awareness. When we have a deeper understanding of how and why our relationship to food has become one of struggle, shame, and even contempt, we can begin to unravel, understand and hold the past with curiosity and compassion. When we start with awareness we can begin to develop a roadmap for ourselves to what we want from where we’ve been. When you know it’s not about the food, you know that there is no diet, wellness plan, or workout that will make you satisfied with food or your body. When you know it’s not about the food you can take a deep dive and excavate the roots of the emotions, the hurt, the struggles, and the external noise that became internal dialogue. When you know it’s not about the food, you can clearly see that healing is possible by walking through the wounds of the past, and into the hopeful space of the vision you can create for yourself. 

When time allows, spend some time writing out your food story and examine your own history. Then take anything that feels harmful, toxic, and just untrue, and begin to rewrite your story, write out your desires for your new, more loving, inclusive, and compassionate story going forward from today.

Break Through Limiting Beliefs with EMDR Therapy

Identifying limiting beliefs is one of the most important elements within the EMDR therapy process. We take time to really understand, what are the negative cognitions, or internalized negative limiting beliefs that are holding you back, and causing you discomfort within your present life. These limiting beliefs may be keeping you from feeling grounded and centered, from taking action in your life, and from allowing yourself to feel and express your worthiness. Once we know what these core wounds are, we can work to reprocess, heal, and release them.

Some of the questions I ask my clients to help identify the limiting belief are:

• Consider what you say you want, such as a goal, a plan, a desire that you seem sabotage unconsciously, or that feels like it won’t happen no matter how hard you try. Now write down all of the reasons you can’t have it. When you reflect on why you believe you can’t have it, what do these reasons mean about you? 

• After reading through why you can’t have what you want, how does this make you feel about yourself?

This is your limiting belief, your core wound, in EMDR we call it a negative cognition. Our brains store the memories and experiences that have created or reinforced those beliefs in the memory network associated with this negative cognition. If your negative cognition is one of the following: I am not good enough, I am unworthy, I have to be perfect to be loved, or I have to please others to be loved, or I am unsafe, or I will fail, or I can’t handle it and so on… then we look for the target memories that have created or reinforced those beliefs. A target memory is a memory that still has a charge, or it still activates your nervous system when you bring it into your awareness in a way that feels uncomfortable. 

These negative cognitions, or limiting beliefs, when triggered, loop through these memories within that specific memory network, and can cause you to feel fear, ungrounded, or disconnected from your body. Feeling fearful, ungrounded, and disconnection from yourself will hold you back from taking action towards what you want. When this happens subconsciously, we wonder, “what’s wrong with me.” Because this is happening on a subconscious level, and this just further triggers the limiting belief or negative cognition. When this occurs, we then usually feel hopeless, frustrated, and this only further reinforces those limiting beliefs. This is where we often get stuck in harmful or non-useful coping strategies, such as emotional eating or any other escape or numbing behaviors. This can also cause us to become emotionally dysregulated and to generally feel overwhelmed. 

EMDR therapy helps to release limiting beliefs through the desensitization and reprocessing phase of the therapy. This is where bilateral stimulation is used while being present with the memories or experiences, and processed within the safe container of your therapy experience. The goal is to fully reprocess the memories, which frees or unravels the negative internalized belief from the memory. The memory now is relinquished to your long-term memory. At this point we create a positive cognition that supports integrating the desired feeling state. This process creates a new inner resource and it’s practiced, once the positive cognition feels true and accessible, using cognitive rehearsal and future templates.

Once all of the target memories have been reprocessed, and they are now relinquished to your long-term memory, and you have the creation of positive cognitions for all of the target memories, the way you desire to feel about yourself is now possible. For example, if your belief is, I am not good enough, a positive cognition could be, I am ok as I am, if your negative cognitions is I am unworthy, your positive cognition may be, I am always worthy. Once you’ve completed the work of EMDR, there is no longer room for the negative cognitions to overwhelm you.

EMDR therapy also includes the components of somatic release through the body scan phase of treatment with each memory. We get curious about any stuck emotions within the physical body. This process creates self-awareness, and through using curiosity and compassion to invite the emotion to process and release somatically, we do this with bilateral stimulation until your body feels clear and grounded when you bring up the target memory.

Throughout the work of EMDR, we get really curious about why an emotion is stuck within your body. We practice emotional awareness and exploration and understand the message of the emotion—why is this emotion here and what does it want us to know—we can then view the emotion as information versus judging the emotion. With this information it makes it more accessible and possible to determine how to respond to the emotion. This allows the processing of your past trauma to move forward with more emotional awareness and acceptance.

When you provide compassion for any emotion you are experiencing, comfortable or uncomfortable, you change how you show up for that emotion, as well as how you show up for yourself. When you respond to the emotion with curiosity and ask what it needs, you can offer it just that with an attitude of compassion and care, allowing you to make space for the discomfort. This process allows the opportunity to invite the emotion itself to flow away from your body, once it’s processed, with intention.

EMDR therapy is a very useful way to help identify, breakthrough, and heal limiting beliefs. Please know that there are many therapeutic modalities out there that can support healing, growth, and that support you to move closer towards a more integrated, whole self that operates from a place of empowering beliefs. No matter how you find the courage and inner strength to address what is holding you back so that you can move forward with hope, growth, and inner-strength, know that you deserve to heal.

Spring Cleaning for Mind, Body, & Spirit

I recently saw this quote by Marie Condo, “The objective of cleaning is not just to clean, but to feel happiness living in that environment.” I was so inspired I not only decided to create a webinar based on this topic and start writing this blog post, I started seeing mental and emotional cleansing as opportunities to feel happier within my own internal environment. With my background in art, psychology, yoga, and health coaching, I am drawn to inner exploration, personal growth, and healing. I love learning about and doing things that allow me to feel mentally and emotionally more grounded, at ease, and healthier in mind, body, and spirit.

The spring equinox arrives on Tuesday, March 19th this year. Season changes are always a wonderful time to reflect and prepare. As you reflect, you can begin to clear out the clutter and cobwebs from the winter that have lodged themselves within your psyche, your body, and your spirit. Preparing for any changes you’d like to welcome in with the spring season will help inspire the new growth you desire to welcome into your life. Spring represents renewal, color, growth, life, and optimism. I wanted to explore and offer some ways to welcome in the spring season in a way that allows you to lighten your load from the winter, so that your inner environment can feel happier.

Breathing Practices

The breath is our most powerful tool for healing. It’s something we always have with us, it’s a reminder that we are alive. Breathing is an automatic process in our body that will continue to go on whether or not we are paying attention to it. When we do bring our breath into our direct awareness, we can positively impact, and communicate with our nervous system, and therefore all of the systems of our bodies. There is a saying in yoga, the nose is for breathing and the mouth is for eating. Most of the time we want to breathe in and out through our nose. However, there are some practices that are used while exhaling through the mouth, but only while engaging in those specific practices. Here are some cleansing practices that will help you spring clean your mind, body, and spirit through the power of your breath.

• Ujjayi Breathing: Breathe in through your nose, slowly and deeply, open your mouth and exhale as if you were attempting to fog a mirror, let the exhale continue in that way slowly until you complete your exhale. Repeat for one minute with your mouth closed for the exhales. This breathing practice is cleansing, and brings a deeper connection to the present moment. It also builds a little heat in your body, so it has an energizing effect as well.

• Lion’s Breath: Breathe in through your nose until your abdomen and lungs are full, pause, open your mouth, stick out your tongue, look up, and exhale. If you like, you can add curling your fingers in claw shapes as you exhale energetically. This breath is deeply cleansing, and releases stress from your mind and body.

• So-Hum Breath: Breathe in through your nose, exhale through your nose, with your normal breathing rhythm. Allow your breathing rhythm to become calming and serene. Say “So” in your mind as you inhale, and “Hum” in your mind as you exhale. Continue for 1-5 minutes. This is one of the most simple mantras you can use and it offers connection to the present moment. This practice calms the mind and the body. This breathing practice naturally dissipates stress, tension, and discomfort. When your mind wanders, which it will, gently, with compassion, bring your mind back to the mantra, “so, hum” with each inhale and each exhale.

Journal Prompts

Journaling is another wonderful tool to help clear mental clutter, process your inner world of emotions, and offer a place for your psyche to rest. A journal is a container that can hold, separate you from, and provide relief for the inner workings of your mind. Taking time to process your feelings, keep a log of your day, write down what you are grateful for, log your challenges, your wins, what went well, what you need support around etc… can all be deeply healing for your mind, body, and spirit. Journaling allows you to feel connected to yourself, your intuition, and it invites your soul to speak. Here are few journaling prompts that can support clearing the clutter of your mind, body, and spirit.

• When you look ahead to the spring season, what seeds do you want to plant within yourself? This could be a goal, a hope, a plan, a new positive internal belief, just write for 1-5 minutes from a stream of consciousness, anything that comes to mind.

• Take a moment to reflect back, thinking about the past couple of months, has something blocked you, or stood in your way to move towards what you want? If so, how can you reconcile that now in your mind and body so that you can begin to move forward? 

• Reflect on any patterns of self-sabotage all throughout your life. Not to be unkind to yourself, but to look for one way you can disrupt this pattern to ensure it does not cause harm to the seeds you’d like to plant for yourself moving forward. Examples could be, doing more daily reflection with self-awareness, working with a therapist to heal these old patterns, doing more of anything that creates more confidence and trust within yourself. 

• Now imagine, how you will provide these seeds with nourishment? How will you help them grow? How will you ensure that they will be cared for as they sprout, and blossom? Write out all of the ways you will care for these seeds that you’ve planted and commit to their growth within your mind, body, and spirit.

• Write out anything else you’d like to clear from your mind, body, and spirit as you ease into the spring.

After your do this journaling, commit to spending time with the seeds you’ve planted within yourself. Keep a daily and/or weekly reflection log asking, how did I nourish the seeds I’ve planted of my intentions for the spring today? Consistency is key. Believe in your ability to grow what you desire within your life, ask for support and help if you need it, and show up for yourself fully and compassionately.

Self-Affirming Statement Creation

Having a helpful affirmation can offer hope, a reminder, and way of shifting out of the old patterns and beliefs, creating new, more useful ones. When you think about what you’d like to cultivate within your life as you ease into spring, what simple statement would help you re-anchor into the present moment. Think about a statement that will support you to move forward rather than being pulled down into past patterns. Take a moment and brainstorm all of the affirmations that come to mind, and then say them all out loud. Which one resonates with you the most? Write it down, set it as a reminder in your phone to pop up daily, practice saying it consistently, use it as a mantra. This statement will always be available to remind you of your desired outcome and reconnect you to the seeds you’ve planted within. Take it with you, use it to nourish these seeds, and your mind, body, and spirit. 

Visualization

Visualizing what you want is a helpful practice when cultivating the garden of what you want to create and grow within yourself. Our brain is essentially a recording of everything we’ve known, seen, and done up to this point in time. It will always return to default mode, especially if there are lingering negative, limiting, internalized beliefs. It will also return to default mode when we are living mindlessly from day to day. When you visualize what you want, you are offering your brain a new template, a new way of seeing things, a new way to be. This allows you to practice, to rehearse within your mind, new ways of being and offer options for your future self. Visualization is amazing and powerful work.

When visualizing, it is helpful to be comfortable, relaxed, and at ease within your mind and body. Take a moment to steady your breath, letting it become calming and serene. Allow your body to relax, easing the space between your eyebrows, unhinging your jaw, and softening around your shoulders, hips, knees, and ankles. Now bring to mind this seed you’d like to plant within your psyche, your mind, your body, your heart, and your whole being, as we ease into spring. Begin to see the daily practice of watering it, feeding it, growing it, nourishing it, nurturing it, see what all of these offerings look like. Now see yourself attaining the blossoms or fruit it’s bearing, how it will impact your life, how you will feel, really allow these feelings to sink into your being. Hold the image for as long as feels right. Bring in your self-affirming statement and repeat it in your mind to strengthen this image, for as long as feels right. Now allow the image to sink into your heart space, and hold it there for a breath, knowing you can bring this imagery forward to return to hope, self-trust, and inspiration to take consistent action any time you need to. As it fades, smile, and say to yourself, “and so it is.”

I hope these practices offer you support to believe in yourself, to trust yourself, and to allow hope and compassion to lead you forward into a healing, resourced, and healthy spring season. Practice letting go daily of what you no longer need, practice breathing, journaling, and visualization to guide you forward. You deserve to live a life filled with compassion, hope, inspiration, and joy.