Beginning to Heal Body-Image with Body Neutrality

I have never met a person who was satisfied with their body as it was right at that very second. Particularly among women I work with in my psychotherapy practice, I hear complaints, self-deprecating comments, and how something they are doing related to food, exercise, or anything else just isn’t quite right.

Instead of purely enjoying a dessert or other decadent and delicious food, we often say, “I shouldn’t be eating this.” Why can’t we just say, “This tastes amazing, I love it so much!” This often comes from internalized beliefs about food, and patterns of restrictive diets that lead to food guilt and shame. When given a compliment about an outfit, I often hear it thrown back with a negative, self-rejecting comment, like, “If only I were five (or more) pounds lighter, it would look better.” I hear, “I should be exercising more. I should be eating healthier.” I should, I should, I should… Why is this? Why do so many women hate their bodies and struggle with body-image most of their lives? Why do so many women put so much pressure on themselves to look like what society has deemed to be beautiful, attractive, hot, and sexy?

For those who struggle with emotional eating, disordered eating, or an eating disorder, body-image tends to be the last layer to heal. For so many people, body-image is deeply entrenched and entangled with emotional eating. The long-standing history of feeling less than because of their physical body is old, deeply rooted, and very difficult to shift. Learning how to practice body neutrality allows it to become more possible to shift into gratitude for our bodies, and eventually, maybe even lead to body positivity. Mindfulness, particularly the element of nonjudgment, is essential in this work of true self, and body acceptance in mind, body, and spirit.

So what is body neutrality and how does it help with healing body-image? Body neutrality is a mindfulness practice that creates a neutralizing impact on our relationship with our bodies. Mindfulness is paying attention from moment to moment with a nonjudgemental awareness. Mindfulness allows us to recognize and release judgement in a way that can be neutralizing and have a profound emotional impact. Body neutrality as a mindfulness exercise allows us to focus on facts and functions versus size, shape, judgements, and emotions. When I walk my clients through the process of body neutrality, often there are areas of their body that they struggle with to get to a place of neutrality, however, with time, practice, and more practice, they often find it is indeed possible to accept, and even to love their bodies.

Body neutrality is an exercise that first I have people do in their minds eye. I talk them through each area of their body and encourage them to neutralize any judgements, and consider a fact and/or a function about each body part. For instance, if someone doesn’t like an aspect of their nose, rather than focusing on the judgement or emotion around their nose, can they name a fact, it's this particular shape, it’s in the middle of my face, it has a bridge and nostrils… and so on. And then can they name a function, I use my nose to breathe and to smell. Once we get to a place of neutrality consistently, most people notice a decrease in their self-judgement and emotional distress when experiencing their body.

Then, if possible, we search for gratitude. Is it possible to be grateful for your nose, just as it existing is in this moment? Can you experience feeling your nose in space? If so, experiencing their nose from a space of nonjudgement and gratitude, it often begins to continue to shift from discomfort to neutrality, and then over time, maybe even positivity—although this is not the goal, just a possible outcome. I encourage you to try this practice, to observe your body in your mind’s eye as a whole, and just see if you can be present with your body as the container that lovingly holds you, in this moment, just as it is. Then slowly move through your head and face, neck and shoulders, arms and hands, torso, hips, legs and feet. With each part of your body, consider a fact and/or a function. Notice how that feels. If an emotion or judgement comes in, notice it and let it go. If possible, see if you can offer gratitude to each part as you go through the exercise, not to force it, just to see what occurs.

When practiced consistently over time, body neutrality can transform your relationship with your body, as well as with yourself.

To Weigh or Not to Weigh?

It seems that weight talk is constantly a topic of conversation. So many people obsess about the latest fad diet, their weight, how to lose weight, how to keep the weight off, other peoples weight and so on and so on… Body image and self-esteem have become intensely intertwined with weight.

So many people have the belief that weight loss will bring happiness and confidence. They believe that being thinner is best and that thin equals health. This simply is not true. This is a myth often perpetuated by the media and even the medical community. People often feel judged no matter what their weight is and believe that others are judging their bodies no matter what size and shape they may be. Many others are comparing themselves to everyone all around them and feeling inadequate and unworthy as a result of this comparison. This is not good!

For so many their relationship with the scale is frustrating and complicated. It feels as though stepping onto the scale will reveal whether they have been “good” or “bad”, which in turn leads to feeling either good or bad emotionally and about themselves. This action of letting the scale deliver how you will feel gives the number on the scale a tremendous amount of power over you and your mood state and self-worth.

When you step on a scale, will you feel happy because the number is lower or closer to what you think you want it to be? When you step on a scale will you feel angry, disappointed or shameful because the number is higher or climbing away from what you believe is an acceptable number to see? If the scale creates anxiety, tension, anger, stress, fear or shame it may be time to change your relationship with the scale—it may be time to break up with your scale.

Many of those I work with have a very complicated relationship with the scale and nearly all say that weighing themselves is a dreaded experience that provokes anxiety. Giving the scale this power over you robs you of your joy and can have a lasting impact all throughout the day on how you feel about yourself. The scale can also create a false sense of happiness and when you place your worth into a number on the scale, either way, you’re giving your power away to the scale.

So many feel confused about whether or not to use a scale as a tool in their journey of healing their relationship with food. I try to encourage everyone to make the choice that is best for them and serves their goals and allows them to feel empowered. There is no one right answer to the question of whether to weigh or not to weigh?

If you do choose to weigh yourself, these are some questions to consider before stepping a foot onto the scale:

-Will I be disappointed if the number is higher than the last time I stepped onto the scale?

-Can I view the number in a nonjudgmental way, not as a good number or a bad number, just information?

-Can I tell myself that I am worthy no matter what the number is on the scale?

-Can I feel deserving of eating and nourishing my body if the number is higher than I anticipated or hoped for?

-Can I use a self-affirming statement to remind myself that my worth is far greater than any number on the scale?

If you choose to step on the scale, it will be helpful if you can use the concept of nonjudgment within the process. When you engage with the number on the scale nonjudgmentally, the number is not good or bad, it’s just a number. The number does not represent if you are good or bad, it’s just a number. The number does not reflect your worth, it’s just a number. If you can approach the process with this nonjudgmental awareness and feel that the number is just information that can simply inform your process, then by all means, step on the scale. If you can’t, don’t.

If you feel you cannot answer the above questions affirmatively and that you will indeed judge yourself or feel less worthy based on the number, or if you will choose not to feed yourself, or binge because of the frustration, then it will not serve in your healing process to step on the scale.

The scale often represents emotional residue from diet culture where the only goal you have is to lose weight. This becomes so deeply entrenched with self-worth that if the number does not change or goes up it means that you have been “bad” or “cheating” on your diet. If the number goes down you have been being “good” and are celebrated. If you can untangle your relationship with your past dieting and empower yourself to eat in a way that serves your body and satisfies your mind and body, the number will begin to have less control over you. The more you ease away from dieting and more into intuitive and mindful eating, the less you will allow or rely on the scale to determine your worth and happiness.

I’d recommend that you do break up with your scale, committing to do so for just one month. During this month you can see what mental and emotional impact that it may have on you to not weigh yourself AT ALL.

Be curious about how it feels to leave the scale behind for a bit and notice if it frees up space in your mind. Be curious to see if it allows you to feel more empowered and in control, or if it leaves you feeling helpless and out of control. Just notice, be aware and allow this time away from obsessing about a number inform the way you interact with and use a scale going forward.

Once some people try this exercise of breaking up with the scale for a month, they choose to get rid of the scale for good (woo hoo!) Others find that they can begin to shift their relationship with it over time and experience their weight nonjudgmentally when they do step on the scale. Some find they are indeed able to use their weight as information in a nonemotional way. For some who choose to break up with their scale for good, they will ask their doctors and nurses to keep the number to themselves at the doctor’s office, they’d prefer not to know.

Wherever you are with your relationship with the scale is ok, and if you’d like that relationship to change, know that it can. You can feel empowered to make the choice you’d like to make when it comes to the question, to weigh or not to weigh?

No matter what you choose, know that you are worthy of feeling good and nourishing and caring for your body no matter what. You are worthy and deserve to speak to yourself, treat yourself and be treated by others with respect, kindness and compassion.

Your weight does not reflect or determine your worth. When you step into your worth and empower yourself to choose how to relate to a scale, even if that means breaking up with it for good, you will feel your worth expanding in a healthy, empowering and meaningful way.

How to Integrate Intuitive Eating Principle 8: Respect Your Body

The eighth principle of Intuitive Eating is: Respect Your Body. If you have been following along with this Integrating Intuitive and Mindful Eating series on my blog, then you might have noticed how principle 7 and now principle 8 are not directly related to food. (Principle 9 isn’t either—stay tuned!) These principles address how to be with yourself in a more mindful and compassionate way both internally and externally which naturally impacts how to be with your food.

With this principle I will explore and address how to be with your body in a respectful manner, which most people struggle with at some point in their lives. If you notice the chatter in your mind or out loud about your body, what is it usually about? Is it usually positive or negative in nature? The truth is that all bodies deserve respect, yours, hers, his, theirs and mine. There are no exceptions.

When you notice any internal bias you have in relation to what is a “good” or “healthy” body and alternatively what is a “not as good” or “unhealthy” body, where did these biases come from. Let’s be clear, it’d be rare not to have some internal bias seeing as how much emphasis is placed on body image, weight loss and standards of beauty in our culture and naturally we are always concerned about how we are measuring up in relation to these standards.

How you think about, speak about and interact with your own body is what this principle is about. However, it is helpful to consider any body shaming, judging or otherwise you notice that you do internally, or say out loud, towards others and practice shifting these thoughts and words to body neutrality, positivity and kindness. This will support your own process in offering these same concepts to yourself.

Mindfulness offers a significant amount of support to this concept of respecting your body, especially as it relates to the aspect of being nonjudgmental. One of the most effective ways to begin to respect your body is to practice body neutrality through nonjudgment. This is a very useful practice and just like is was applied to food in the fourth principle of intuitive eating: Challenge the Food Police it’s tremendously powerful to apply the concept on nonjudgment to how you relate to your body.

Learning to understand body neutrality is simple but not necessarily easy. To practice body neutrality, find a time when you can just be. Close your eyes and scan your body in your mind’s eye from head to toe moving intentionally through each part of your body. With each body part, first name it and then find the facts about it, for example: ears-used for hearing located on the sides of my head. Notice how there are no judgments, just facts, just what is true about this body part in this moment. Maintain neutrality and nonjudgment throughout. Notice how this feels with body parts you may not have any positive or negative associations about and parts that you do.

The body parts you find it most difficult to be nonjudgmental about with yourself, you will need to practice more regularly. For many this simple and yet not easy body neutrality practice is very helpful and eye opening. Get really curious about why you have the judgments you have about your body. With each judgment consider:

• Where did each judgment come from?

• What messages did you hear/receive about your body or body judgments from your family growing up?

• What messages did you hear/receive about your body or body judgments from your peers?

• What messages did you hear/receive about your body or body judgments from society?

• Who set the standards for “beauty” and body shape that you adhere to?

• What messages do you wish you’d heard or would like to live by?

• Can you begin to offer these messages to yourself now?

Once you practice body neutrality until it feels more natural, acceptable and your mind does not attempt to pull you towards the negative, you can begin to practice body positivity and body gratitude. Within this practice, you go through the same exercise, resting comfortably and work your way from head to toe in your mind’s eye and name each body part and something you like about it and something you can be grateful for about it. If you find it difficult that’s ok! Stay with the practice and continue a few times per week until it becomes a more and more comfortable practice.

Try taking this attitude with you wherever you go. As you begin to shift your own internal judgments about your body and allow that to impact how you judge the bodies of others, begin to notice and reflect on the following:

• How much mental space is taken up by body judgment?

• How often do you judge the bodies of others?

• How often do you compare your body to the bodies of others?

• How does this make you feel?

• Why do you think you do this?

• Are you ready to shift this internal experience?

If so, begin practicing body neutrality of others. Even if your thought begins with a judgment, can you create a neutral thought such as it’s just another person in the body that they have today, it’s not good or bad, it just is. As this becomes more comfortable, begin to shift into body positivity of others. What compliment can you offer either internally to recognize it for yourself or out loud if it’s possible to do so.

These simple but not easy practices can transform your relationship to your body, to yourself and to food. When you can just be with your body without the negativity and noise you will create a less stressful internal environment for yourself. When you begin to shift from body shaming, judging and comparing you open yourself to feel a great deal of respect for your own amazing body as well as respecting the bodies of others.