Examining Your Thoughts: A Powerful Tool to Calm Your Anxious Mind

If the stress of the current global crisis of COVID-19 has you feeling anxious, uncertain and overwhelmed, you are not alone. These are unprecedented times. I happen to be in the “epicenter” here in NYC and it is collectively causing stress and anxiety that can be felt in the air here…and I’d imagine everywhere.

I wanted to offer this practical, evidence-based technique that you can implement immediately to help release some of the mental and emotional stress you are experiencing. This technique will help you calm your anxious mind. When you are overwhelmed, it may feel like your thoughts are racing, like there is impending doom, like there is no hope. When you use this thought examination technique, you create space to understand how your thoughts are impacting you, practice releasing them and offer yourself opportunities to get into a solution-focused mindset. 

Thought Examination Technique

This technique allows you to examine your thoughts and the impact they have on you closely. This technique changes your relationship with your thoughts and creates empowerment. Often thoughts and faulty beliefs are happening on a subconscious level, they are running in the background of your mind, however your physical body through the stress response, responds accordingly.

If you are having catastrophe based thoughts, then most likely your body will enter into a sympathetic nervous system response, or fight-or-flight mode. This is not a helpful place to be unless there is truly an immediate emergency. While this circumstance is an emergency for many, it is not helpful, and actually is damaging, to remain in this heightened state of stress and anxiety continually.

To begin practicing the technique, get out a piece of paper and practice going through the following questions based on any fears and anxieties you are experiencing and use it regularly to manage and change your relationship to any stressful thoughts.

1. Choose a fear-based thought that has been on your mind or troubling you recently.

2. Ask yourself what emotions are driving that thought.

3. Where do you feel these emotions in your physical body?

4. Ask yourself, is this thought true? Unless it is a present fact, the answer is no!

5. Ask yourself, is this thought useful? Unless you are trying to problem-solve, most likely the thought is not useful.

6. Ask yourself, what is it doing to me to have and believe this thought? This is important to evaluate how detrimental this one thought can be.

7. Ask yourself, how would I feel without this thought? This is important because it allows you to recognize how this thought is limiting your present moment experience and essentially causing unnecessary suffering.

8. Ask yourself, what is the opposite of this thought?

9. Notice how it feels in both mind and body to sit with the opposite thought. The purpose of this is not to lie to yourself or move into positive-thinking mode. The purpose of this part of the exercise is to be aware that if you are believing the first thought in this moment, then the opposite could just as well be true.

10. Mindfully reframe the thought, transform the thought into what is true right now, this process creates a reality-based thought.

11. If this thought does come true, what are three things you can do to cope with that occurrence?

Example:

1. What is the thought? If I lose my job during this health crisis, I will lose my home.

2. What are the emotions connected to having this thought? Fear, sadness, anxiety, helplessness, hopelessness.

3. Where do you feel these emotions in your body? Increased heart rate, nausea, tightness in my chest, tight jaw, neck and shoulders.

4. Is this a true thought? It could become true, but in this moment, no it is not true.

5. Is this a useful thought? Definitely not, it is causing me to suffer.

6. What is the impact of this thought on the present moment: Not be able to sleep well, pain in my body, no energy, can’t think clearly, feel sick.

7. How would I feel without this thought? Rested, peaceful, relaxed in mind and body. 

8. What is the opposite of this thought? I won’t lose my job or my house during this health crisis.

9. How does it feel to sit with the opposite thought? Better, but I still feel so uncertain.

10. What is a way to reframe this thought? Although I am afraid of losing my job, in this moment I am still employed and for that I am grateful. If I do lose my job, I will deal with that circumstance at that time.

11. What three things can I do now to prepare for if the thought comes true? If I do lose my job due to current unstable economy three things I can do now to prepare are: 1. look up how to file for unemployment, 2. update my resume, 3. look at my budget and see where I can immediate reduce expenses and create savings to prepare.

Notice how much different it is to be with the thought in a mindful way and engage with creative problem-solving? This process allows you to engage with the thought in a proactive responsive way rather than remaining in reactive-mode, which is emotional, stifling and illogical. 

When you practice this technique regularly, it will help to bring you into a more grounded, present-moment focused mind frame. This technique is helpful to practice anytime you are experiencing fear-based, anxiety provoking, catastrophizing thoughts. 

When you go into problem-solving mode you create more hope and experience less fear. The next time that you find you are stuck in a negative thought cycle, use this technique and end with finding solutions. Notice how this allows you to put your mind at ease and feel more in control and empowered.

Step FOUR to Creating a Life You Love: Evaluating Your Current Life & Lifestyle

“The concept of total wellness recognizes that our every thought, word, and behavior affects our greater health and well-being. And we, in turn, are affected not only emotionally but also physically and spiritually.”
--Greg Anderson

Step 4 to creating a life you love is all about evaluating how well you currently care for yourself in mind, body and spirit. Through this step you will learn about the foundations of wellbeing. You will have opportunities to evaluate how you are currently functioning in each of these foundations in order to assess how you feel you are doing in terms of living well, feeling well and being well. Through self-evaluation you can determine if there are any shifts and changes you would like to create. There will be opportunities to reflect and notice where you can create more fluidity in your lifestyle that will help lead you to the changes you desire.

No matter what your vision for your life may be, when you are taking care of yourself in mind, body and spirit, you will be more likely to have the energy, mental clarity and the necessary inner spark and desire to work towards your goals. If your goals fall within the foundations of wellbeing, then you will really enjoy this step. If they don’t, this step will be important for you too as this foundation creates more freedom for you to create whatever you desire within your life. The foundations of wellbeing are movement, nutrition, sleep and intentional relaxation. When your foundation is strong and your wellbeing becomes a priority, you will be unstoppable as you propel towards pursuit of your life’s vision.

Take a moment and assess your current state of wellbeing. Ask yourself the following questions.

-Do you move your body regularly in a way that keeps it feeling mobile, strong and healthy?

-Do you eat vegetables daily and pay attention to how what you eat makes you feel?

-Do you eat mindfully, meaning pay attention to the process of eating without distraction?

-Do you get adequate and quality sleep?

-Do you take time to relax in an intentional way? Meaning, do you give yourself space to calm and center yourself in mind, body and spirit?

-Is your current lifestyle reflective of your vision and purpose?

-Does your current lifestyle reflect your personal values?

Any wellness routine and way of integrating wellbeing practices into your life will look and feel different from person to person as we all have individual preferences, needs and ways of being. One person might find that within the movement foundation, gentle yoga is what suits their body best while someone else might find that preparing for a half marathon is more fulfilling. With nutrition, we all have different needs. When you assess if you get adequate vegetables, what does that look like for you? No matter what you are eating, paying attention and noticing how what you eat makes you feel is one of the most important elements of being nourished by food. The same is true for sleep, although this tends to be something many people let slide out of focus easily. Intentional relaxation is different than Netflix and chill. While this might be how you unwind or have fun, it is not a true state of mental, physical, emotional and spiritual relaxation. Examples of intentional relaxation include meditation, creating art, reading, taking a bath, having lunch with friends, praying, spending time in nature… Intentional relaxation provides fulfillment, rejuvenation, vitality and pleasure in your life that feels good to you and creates inner peace.

Creating a strong state of true wellness is a journey. Most of us are stressed, tired and live in an overall imbalanced way. When the foundations of wellbeing become a priority, your ability to cope with stress, solve problems and feel mentally and physically well enough to take on much of what life delivers will be far more available. When you create a strong foundation for your physical body, your mental and emotional world can become more available to explore and you can continue to grow and expand mentally and spiritually.

The process of focusing on your own wellbeing requires commitment. When you have a vision for your life and a sense of purpose—and a plan to make it happen—your focus can shift to your wellbeing. When you create true mind, body, spirit wellness within your life, you set the groundwork to live your best life. Begin by choosing ONE area that may be out of balance for you and start with ONE element that you can incorporate in a positive way. Continue building slowly. Once your body is vital and healthy you can dive deeper into mental, emotional and spiritual wellness. This is where personal growth becomes a daily process and daily opportunity. As you move through these steps to leading yourself to living your best life, be sure to offer yourself ample time to creating a solid foundation for wellness and overall wellbeing.

10 Steps to Creating A Life You LOVE

If you are ready to make 2020 a year of clarity and purpose—and you know you want this year to matter— stay tuned here as I will be covering ten essential steps to leading yourself towards a life that you love. Today I will give you an overview and then for the next ten weeks I’ll be diving a little deeper into each of the steps. If you have a dream for your year, these steps will help you make your dream a reality! My work is geared towards those who struggle with emotional and stress eating, so going forward these steps will offer guidance specific to those needs, however, they fit well with anything you’d like to achieve and will offer everyone inspiration and motivation along the way!

Step 1: Self-Awareness

This first step is all about becoming deeply self-aware. In order to know yourself fully and understand your patterns and get comfortable with the discomfort of change, you must have self-awareness. This step creates the ultimate foundation for change. When you become self-aware you will explore and examine your internal emotional world, how you respond to life and any potential blocks to change that are standing in your way. Mindfulness allows you to create opportunities to know yourself and accept yourself completely. This step presents opportunities to create practices to live a truly mindful life. As you become more self-aware, present and accepting, you will begin to be able to tune into and listen to your inner wisdom.

Step 2: Aligning with a Sense of Purpose

Step two is about creating a sense of purpose that drives your motivation towards the change you’re seeking. When you can align consistently with your purpose you will be able to explore why change is important to you and why it is necessary. When you understand the change process and create a vision that supports your why, you will live in that alignment and remain motivated and inspired towards the change you desire. There’s a lot of talk about finding your purpose out there, which can feel daunting. This step allows you to break it down and offer a way to explore your sense of purpose if it isn’t clear—and how to work within why you want the change you desire and aligning that with your personal values. If your sense of purpose is clear to you, you will access that consistently to remain in alignment with your vision.

Step 3: Creating a Plan of Action

Without a plan your vision will remain only a dream. Step 3 will help you outline your specific plan and use it to create consistent action towards what you desire. Once you have a sense of purpose and a clear vision, you will focus with a new mindset on how to execute effectively in order to create a life that you love. Having a plan offers an opportunity to do just this and is an essential step to creating change. Creating a vision is fun and creative. Formulating a plan is practical and action focused. Your specific plan will allow you to move into a space of action, a space of change and is specific, doable and desirable.

Step 4: Evaluating Your Current Life and Lifestyle

Step 4 is all about evaluating how you are currently functioning in terms of living well, feeling well and being well. This step will help you understand and evaluate how you are integrating the foundations of wellness into your current lifestyle. You will have opportunities in this step to create greater wellbeing within your current life. There will be opportunities for self-reflection and to assess your current wellbeing within this step and where you might create more fluidity in your lifestyle that will help lead to the changes you desire.

Step 5: Monitor Your Process and Respond to Obstacles Along the Way

Step five outlines the need to monitor your progress in order to create the change you desire. It’s one thing to create a plan, it’s another to execute it! This step allows you to explore your inner resistance to change and learn how to build your resilience to ensure that change you desire shifts from a fantasy into reality based action. Resistance to change is the number one reason we don’t follow through. Resistance dampens motivation and zaps inspiration and keeps us stuck in this discomfort of our comfort zone and convinces us that that is better than the discomfort of stepping out of our comfort zone and into change. There will be opportunities in this step to build resilience as an anecdote to resistance and some serious reality checks to keep you moving forward!

Step 6: Create a Support Network

Step 6 emphasizes the need to have a strong support network on your side in order to make the changes you desire in your life. Without support change is way more difficult. Without support, life can be difficult and lonely. With support, you can reach out, stay motivated and feel inspired to move forward even when it’s difficult. You will evaluate the nature of your relationships, acknowledge the ones you’d like to improve, explore how to continue to develop new healthy partnerships all while improving your ability to communicate assertively, compassionately and effectively.

Step 7: Moving Forward with a Steady Pace to Create True Self-Leadership

Step 7 helps you create an understanding of how to continue to lead yourself through the change process at a steady, manageable pace. This step offers opportunities to evaluate and adjust your plan as needed, to continue to forge through any residual resistance and personalize your change process. Understanding leadership skills and becoming a strong leader for yourself is emphasized. We are often used to either being led or leading others, however, leading yourself is where your true internal power lies.

Step 8: Building on the Change Process

Step 8 is about celebrating your change process and nurturing it as it develops. With this step you will focus on the good, the wins you are achieving, and the positive shifts that are occurring. You will have opportunities to make adjustments when your motivation needs some tweaking. Developing a consistent gratitude and appreciation practice will be outlined and encouraged to integrate into daily self-awareness positivity practice. When you focus on what’s going well you tend to create more of it!

Step 9: Create Adjustments Through Self-Reflection and Acknowledging Change

Step 9 is about understanding how new learning can be integrated throughout your personal change process and how you can apply it to all areas of your life. Fine tuning your change process will be discussed which allows you to continue to deepen your self-reflection and self-awareness. This ensures that you continue to feel good about the person you are growing into on a daily basis. Celebrating any changes that have occurred is encouraged!

Step 10: Self-Reflection and Re-Evaluation

The 10th and final step is about graceful living and self-compassion through the growth process—which really is a lifelong process! With this step, you may find that your goals shift and maybe even majorly change. There will be opportunities for evaluating your personal change process and ensuring that you create a life-long dedication to being Wholistically, Unapologetically and Authentically You!

So consider something you’d like to shift, change or create within your life and join me over the next ten posts to lead yourself towards the change you desire!