Self-Care, Simplified

 

 

Self-care has become one of those buzz words, and because it has been tossed around everywhere, it has lost some of its value, its meaning, and its importance. Self-care really is all about pre-managing stress. Pre-managing our stress in this way is absolutely necessary to live a life of health and vitality. When you neglect yourself, your needs, your mental well-being and your health, you will most likely experience the negative impacts of stress.

The negative impacts of compounded, unmanaged stress could include low energy, poor sleep, low motivation, illness, and a whole lot less joy. These negative impacts of stress can all lead to poor mental health outcomes as well as poor physical health outcomes. Self-care is a requirement to help stave off these negative and detrimental impacts of stress.

Consistent acts of self-care do not have be complicated, time intensive or extravagant. In fact, I want to highlight through this blog simple self-care practices that are impactful, accessible, desirable, inexpensive/free, and of course, as I already stated—simple! Finding simplified self-care acts that offer the most return on their investment will bring about stress reduction and allow you to live a life with more overall contentment and joy.

When we take care of ourselves in an intentional and purposeful way through specific, regularly practiced and simplified self-care routines, we build up our internal sense of self-worth. When we feel worthy of taking care of ourselves, we are more likely to be consistent and to have that feeling of internal positivity flow over into other areas of our lives. When we refill our mental, physical and emotional energy tanks through regular, simple and consistent self-care, our ability to cope with life stressors, including being with and managing our emotions, becomes more available. The more we practice regular and consistent self-care, the more we just generally feel better and experience more joy on a day-to-day basis.

When we hear self-care being thrown around in places like social media, we definitely don’t receive messages of simplicity and ease. When you hear self-care, what comes to mind for you? Maybe you picture images from IG of beautiful bathtubs with a view of the mountains, or maybe an elegant spa destination with endless massages, or maybe relaxing in the most comfortable looking bed, or strolling down deserted, pristine beaches, or maybe you picture someone meditating in a beautiful field with the perfect sunset…? Don’t get me wrong, if you have that available to you, that’s absolutely amazing! However, I know for myself anyway, those “perfected” images that I see through these outlets as self-care are not accessible to me on the daily. This means that it’s completely up to me to live within my personal reality and to create the self-care practices that work within my own daily busy schedule. 

Now hopefully you can begin to shift your perspective of self-care from something fancy, perfect, or extravagant, to something more of a process of pre-managing stress (aka, stress management). This does not need to be fancy, or expensive, or take a long time to do. We need to practice self-care consistently to help refill our internal energy tanks for the inevitable stressors of daily life. That means it needs to fit into our over-scheduled, over-committed, over-packed lives! When you pre-manage your stress you will have more reserves for the unexpected stressors and minor irritations that will, at some point anyway, show up.

So let’s start by creating your own personal account of what makes you feel cared for, what makes you feel good—(not what you see out there in a perfectly curated image)—and what is realistic + simple for you to incorporate within your personal day to day life. This includes considering your work schedule, family commitments and so on. What time can you give back to yourself and what can you do within that time that truly is self-care, simply, simplified.

Take a moment and find your journal and write down your answers to the following questions:

-What helps me to feel good? 

-What do I love to do?

-What lights me up?

-What makes me smile?

-What would my perfect day be like- what would I do, how would I feel, who would I be with, where would I be…?

-How do I best decompress in a way that I feel truly relaxed? 

-When was the last time I felt relaxed, why did I feel that way? 

-When I overcome a difficulty, what did I do to cope?

-What are my primary needs?

-What do I love to do that is free and accessible to me everyday?

After going through this self-reflection process, begin to craft your own, personalized self-care list. Look at the themes, your needs, what fills you up, what lights you up, how you manage challenges and so on. Now choose 3-5 items from your list that sound the most doable and desirable to you right now. What will you resist doing the least and look forward to the most? Where can you begin to plug those specific practices into your current routine? Or, where can you create some subtle shifts in your routine to fit these practices in regularly that would cause the least amount of disruption to your current life?

Start small, start curious, start somewhere—anywhere! When you take care of yourself in this way, daily, simply, and very importantly, consistently, you will gain big time returns when it comes to your stress levels. This in turn will increase your ability to manage bigger stressors while creating opportunities to feel more joy.

I know that “Netflix and Chill” is a thing, (and definitely not a bad thing!) and it may be a way for you to decompress. However, I recommend considering self-care practices that are simple and doable everyday that do not involve a screen. Finding self-care practices that are about being with ourselves more fully within the present moment, or connecting with others intentionally, offers a different energy that helps to prevent—or diffuse—daily stress from compounding on you. 

I wish you well in building your daily, simplified self-care routine that supports you and your unique self in mind, body and spirit.

**If you have gone through this exercise and still feel unsure of what simplified self-care could look like for you, here’s a list of examples of some simple, no or low-cost self-care options that don’t need to take up much time, just simple ways to refresh and revitalize your mind and body.

-Breathe deeply and completely

-Journal

-Keep a daily gratitude journal

-Do a 5 minute guided (or unguided) meditation and/or breath work practice

-Power walk around the block

-Go for a mindful, relaxing stroll

-Watch a sunset

-Watch a sunrise

-Take a power nap

-Stretch for 5 minutes

-Paint

-Draw

-Write (a story, a letter, a poem, a joke…)

-Sing

-Dance

-Play an instrument

-Create anything

-Do a puzzle

-Listen to music

-Play a game

-Play a sport

-Ride a bike

-Do yoga

-Do tai-Chi

-Go for a jog

-Cook your favorite meal

-Drink water

-Drink tea

-Create a skin care routine and practice it morning and night

-Do a face mask

-Take a bath

-Take a shower

-Play in the garden

-Plant a flower

-Read a good book

-Work through a self-help workbook

-Call someone 

-Light a candle

-Sleep in

-Play with or snuggle your pet

-Make your bed (or maybe don’t make your bed)

-Do anything that makes you smile, relax your shoulders and breathe more deeply

This list could keep going, and going— and please, feel free to add to it. The most important thing is that you find things that you will be glad that you did them, you will feel better for doing them, and you will feel the worthiness it creates within because you did it. Here’s to a healthy, content day through simplified and simplifying self-care!

How to Disrupt and Change the Patterns of Emotional Eating

 

 

In my last two blog posts I discussed the importance and necessity of self-awareness in understanding what emotional eating is and why it continues to happen. The most recent post I elaborated on how to dig deep into emotional awareness in order to become more comfortable with the emotional discomfort that we so readily avoid through eating, or really through any other preferred behavior of emotional avoidance. 

Numbing, distracting, avoiding, and denial have become pervasive as there are so many ways of distracting ourselves from our feelings at any given moment. Once we can learn how to engage with our emotions and truly allow ourselves to feel our feelings, we become more comfortable being with ourselves. We allow ourselves more room to be with our full self, uncomfortable emotions and all. This process creates more opportunity to lean consistently into our full authenticity. This can be quite hard as it requires vulnerability and discomfort.

Creating this deep emotional awareness and connection to ourselves is a process that takes time and effort, and yet it is so freeing and empowering. However, the more you engage with your emotional world and practice being the full expression of yourself, this emotional awareness and connection does not necessarily bring immediate change to the behavioral aspect of emotional eating. The sidebar here is, that in order for behavioral change to occur, it’s vital that we continue to progress and move forward from the self-awareness and emotional acceptance we’ve been building upon. Now, for true change in our habitual patterns to occur, we must dive into the work of true behavioral change.

Let’s face it, change is hard. We are hardwired to create habits and then go through our day to day living pretty much unconsciously. Think about it, the last time you were driving, how much of that drive were you truly present? How much of that drive were you lost in thoughts, engaged in a podcast, music, or audiobook? How about other daily habits, do you have to think about brushing your teeth? What about any other part of your usual daily routine? Most likely no, you do not have to think it through. This is because it has become a habit. The same exact thing is true with the behavioral element of emotional eating. 

The habit of emotional eating, let’s say for example at night, may have first begun because you were lonely, deprived, bored, agitated, anxious, or experiencing any other uncomfortable emotion. Through the process you have been working through of self-awareness, you started to notice this pattern. With the practice of emotional awareness you most likely began to attempt to understand, accept and offer compassion to these uncomfortable emotions. However, you may now feel much more emotionally aware and accepting, yet you still struggle with the craving, the habit of nighttime eating. This is normal, and this habitual element is always the last piece of the puzzle to make this work all come together. This is the last place that the work needs to be integrated consistently in order to create the true and lasting change that you desire.

Change can be even more challenging than emotional acceptance because it requires disrupting a pattern that has become fixed, and potentially therefore expected. The process of change requires interrupting this behavioral pattern with a new behavior, and then practicing, with intention, this new behavior consistently. So now consider what behavior would you like to replace with your emotional eating habit? We’ll continue with the example of nighttime eating as it is incredibly common. However, feel free to insert your specific circumstances and challenges with your emotional eating patterns.

The first step is to determine, what else could I do in the evening (or other situation) to provide myself with a sense of comfort? What else brings in the desired feelings created by food? Such as relaxation, a feeling of sweetness or a sense of ease in mind and body? It may be helpful to review your emotional awareness journals from the questions offered in the previous blog post. As you review it, consider, what helps create these desired feeling states for you? Make a list. Now practice trying out something from your list in the evenings when you previously had been eating. 

Let’s say you have a few options, such as calling someone you enjoy talking with, journaling, watching a show, doing something creative (making music, painting, doing a craft), yoga, meditation, and/or reading. Now comes the preparation. You have to start with creating a brand new mindset, you need to feel prepared and ready for the moment that you will practice this new behavior.

Start by visualizing yourself having the urge to fall back into old emotional eating patterns, remind yourself that you are now ready for change. Picture yourself engaging in the new desired behavior while breathing fully and deeply, holding that image in your mind for at least a minute or longer. Say to yourself in your mind, or even out loud, “I am capable of change, I am strong, I am dedicated.” Feel your inner strength and let yourself imagine this moment with a sense of empowerment. Notice how that feels. You might even journal about how this visualization exercise feels once you’ve completed it.

Now plan for the inevitable urge eat. Notice the “deal maker” part of ourselves that doesn’t want to change. This part of ourselves that we all have seems to want to stay stuck and wedged into a very uncomfortable comfort zone. This deal maker part of ourselves will say things like, “I’ll start tomorrow.” “This isn’t emotional eating anymore so it’s no big deal.” “Why bother with change?” “I don’t really feel like doing that other thing (insert the behavior you were going to practice doing instead) right now.” You can insert your own personal deal makers language into these examples. We all have one. The best way to combat this part of ourselves is to be prepared with a comeback.

When your deal maker says, “I’ll start tomorrow,” you might say back to it, “today is the best day to start,” or “I’m going to start today and see how it goes,” or “today I am choosing this other behavior for my future self,” or “I deserve to make this change I have been working so hard towards and that I truly desire.” Imagine how you will feel tomorrow if you succumb to this deal maker part of yourself and give in to it’s deals, such as I’ll start tomorrow. Imagine how you will feel tomorrow if you don’t give in to the deal maker part of yourself. This creates empowerment, when you choose for your future self you are creating the opportunity to feel strong, capable and ready for true and lasting change.

Now it’s time to go for it. Try the new behavior, practice it, visualize it and be prepared to stop the negotiations with YOURSELF and be the change that you desire. If you find this process is helpful, I’d love to hear how it goes, how you are feeling diving into this challenging and yet necessary and powerful layer of the work. Please know that this is hard, hard work. There will absolutely be backsliding, bad days, disappointments and challenges. Remember that every day is a new day to practice, to create the change you desire and to learn from any and all backslides or challenges.

I believe in you. Today is the best day to start, to practice, and to invite in the change you desire. Do you believe in you? In life we don’t become what we want, we become what we believe. So here’s to tapping into your inner belief, your inner strength, and putting in the effort you deserve to creating the change that you desire.

Emotional Exploration as a Path to Healing Emotional Eating

 

 

Self-awareness as a path to healing emotional eating was fully explored in my last blog post. I hope it was helpful, self-awareness is always where we have to begin in order to welcome and enter into the process of change. If we don’t know what the problem is, it is difficult to create solutions that can lead towards the change process. Self-awareness is helpful, but knowing what the problem is alone unfortunately doesn’t lead to change.

Now that you have the awareness of the why behind the patterns of any emotional or stress eating, the next step is to begin to confront and heal the underlying emotional suppression and stressors driving the behavior. It is necessary to offer yourself space so that you can create a deeper understanding of the inner world of your emotions. When you create a willingness to get present in the here and the now, and to feel whatever there is to feel inside, you can begin to create this deeper knowledge that moves you along a path towards true inner knowing and ultimately change. This process of emotional awareness, connection, and expression is difficult—really it’s the hardest part— as it has been what the emotional and stress eating has been suppressing for most likely a really long time.

When you can acknowledge that emotional eating is not about the food, not about having a lack of willpower or ability to stick with a diet or wellness program, but about emotional suppression, this awareness leads to a continued journey inward. This journey inward brings you in contact with your emotions in a new way and you can learn to become, with time and practice, more and more comfortable with feeling your feelings. As you walk this new path and create these deeper awarenesses you begin to develop a new language, intelligence, acceptance, and understanding of your rich, inner world of feelings and emotions in a way that can be eye opening, powerful, and truly life changing.

If you are ready to continue along your journey towards healing from emotional and stress eating patterns, I recommend that you start by keeping a feelings journal. Having this one place to begin to explore your feelings in a nonjudgemental, curious, and open way creates a gentle and yet specific container for this inner work. Having a dedicated place to explore your feelings can feel scary and yet comforting and even hopeful at the same time.

Just the act of naming how you are feeling can begin to reduce the discomfort associated with some feeling states and emotions. Once you can offer a specific name to the feelings or emotions, you can explore them more and more deeply. Eventually, you will create a relationship with your emotional world that is healthy, open, and welcoming versus the suppression, avoidance, and numbing that has been the previous internal response to these feeling states and emotions.

As you begin to cozy up with your emotions more frequently, you may not initially notice much change in your relationship with food. That is normal and ok. That part will come with integration, practice, and beginning to offer new ways to explore, cope and soothe the emotions you have been numbing out for some time. As you begin this self-exploratory work, try to keep the focus on the emotional exploration, not the food, and see whatever it is that will unfold for you on your personal path to healing.

I recommend you go through the following journal prompts either in the moment when you are experiencing a specific feeling state or emotion, or even after the fact if you miss it in the moment. Use these prompts to grow your emotional awareness and expand your self-awareness through the journaling process:

First, if you don’t have a language for emotions, I recommend this feelings wheel as a great tool to study, get familiar with, and use every time you use your feelings journal.

Whether you are using this process to explore in the moment of experiencing a specific emotion, or in an effort to understand a recent feeling state more completely, look through your feelings wheel and consider, what emotion am I feeling right now (or did I feel at the time)? Name the emotion and write it down. See the name written on the paper and observe the name of this emotion.

Notice, where do I feel this emotion in my body? See if you can simply sit with the feelings you are experiencing in your physical body for a moment, and write it all down.

Ask yourself, have I been triggered or is this emotion congruent with my present experience? Again, write it all down.

If the feeling is not congruent with your current experience, can you journal about why it might be here and why you might feel triggered? For example, if you are feeling lonely but you are surrounded by people, journal about where the loneliness may be coming from, what you might be avoiding, or if you have been triggered and are experiencing old loneliness. Journal it all out.

Ask yourself, what is the message this emotion has for me, what does it want for me to know, what is its purpose right now? Write it all down, whether it is congruent with your current experience or not, it is important to begin to read the language of emotions, what do they represent, what are they here to express to and for you?

Now, try to observe this emotion in a nonjudgemental way, meaning can you be with the feeling without labeling the feeling as a good feeling or a bad feeling, but just information in the form of a feeling? Let yourself sit with the feeling and consider the awareness that it may be uncomfortable right now, or maybe it’s pleasant right now, and that it is here for a reason. Write down your experience of practicing nonjudgement of this specific emotion.

Now, spend a moment just being present with this emotion. Let it be however it presents itself to you in this moment. How does it feel to not push it away? Practice being with it and letting it be without resistance. Write down your experience. Please know that this may not be a pleasant experience and that your mind and body may fight to numb out or avoid the feeling. Remind yourself that you contain within you inner strength, remind yourself that you can indeed handle experiencing discomfort. Remind yourself that all feelings pass. Let yourself know that what you experience as discomfort today will feel like strength tomorrow, this is how emotional resilience develops. Write down your experience.

Now, using your feelings wheel, or just ask yourself, what is the opposite feeling state of this feeling/emotion? For example, if you are bored, the opposite feeling state could be engaged, present, or interested. If you are lonely, the opposite feeling state could be connected, warm hearted or safe. Write down the opposite feeling state/emotion of the feeling you have been exploring.

Now, ask yourself, what might help me to feel this opposite feeling state? For example, if you are bored, maybe doing something creative, reading, writing, taking a walk, calling a friend, listening to music, or doing some cleaning will help to create this opposite feeling state. If you are feeling lonely, maybe you could reach out to a friend, search for a book club (or other social experience of interest to you with like-minded people) do something to improve your relationship with yourself, write a letter to someone you care about or take yourself out on a date.

Now, ask yourself, is it possible to do something right now to help myself cultivate this opposite feeling state in this moment? If yes, do it, and then come back and journal about your experience.

Ask yourself, what does this feeling/emotion need (besides food) to fully release it? Write it down.

As yourself, can I give the emotion what it needs, why or why not? Write it down.

Ask yourself, is there something I can do to cope with this feeling in a non-food way if more space and time is needed to release it? Write it all down.

This practice of emotional awareness and exploration can open up your internal world in a whole new way. Try to work through both comfortable and uncomfortable emotions, the only difference is acknowledging the opposite feeling states of more comfortable emotions without necessarily putting yourself into circumstances that would create those less comfortable feelings.

The most challenging aspect of this work tend to be letting yourself really identify the feeling as you may have gotten really, really good at emotional avoidance, shutting down and blocking out feelings. That is ok and part of the process. Try doing the journaling prompt on a feeling that you are not currently experiencing just to go through the exercise with a feeling you’ve experienced in the past, or one that you could imagine what your responses may be. The more time you spend considering emotions the more likely you will be to begin feeling into your true emotional world, no matter how scary it seems.

The second most challenging aspect of this work is letting yourself sit with the discomfort and feel into the emotion. To just be present with the emotion and how it makes your body feel, what it brings up for you, how it influences your thinking or your mood state or outlook on life. As best you can, let yourself notice your resistance and desire to avoid this feeling and see if you can just feel it anyway, even if just for 10 seconds, increasing the amount of time over time. When you practice getting comfortable with being uncomfortable you create more opportunities to feel close to yourself and others by being vulnerable, open and honest.

I hope you find this work to be helpful, eye opening and useful in your personal journey towards emotional awareness, acceptance and expression. If you find this to be too overwhelming or uncomfortable, it can be helpful to work with a therapist through this process, please know that you are not alone and that there are people and supports available to help you along the way.