Am I An Emotional Eater?

During these times of living in quarantine, the isolation and worry has anxiety and stress at an all-time high. Many who may not typically suffer with disordered eating patterns are finding that they are turning to food (amongst other things) to release their stress and numb out the variety of uncomfortable feelings they are encountering daily. This can create a negative and damaging pattern of emotional and stress eating as a coping skill for anxiety, stress, and any uncomfortable emotions. If the pattern is left unattended it can turn into more serious disordered eating patterns and significant struggles related to health and wellbeing in mind and body.

If you are unsure if you are an emotional eater, you can take the following quiz to assess how far you may have slipped into a pattern of stress and emotional eating. 

Am I an Emotional Eater?

1.    Do you find that you feel overly full or “stuffed” after meals?

2.    Do you find yourself snacking throughout the day even if you are not feeling hungry?

3.    Do you find yourself thinking about food many times throughout the day?

4.    Do you eat/snack at night after dinner?

5.    Do you hide your food from others?

6.    Do you struggle with unwanted weight gain/weight fluctuations? 

7.    Have you tried multiple diets, supplements, workout routines with some success of weight loss only to regain the majority of the weight?

8.    Do you feel as though you live your life in a state of rushing and trying to stay busy most of the time?

9.    Do you feel as though your body and your health are suffering due to your eating and stress? 

10. Do you have an outlet or way of coping with your stress and emotions that you use consistently, such as journaling, attending therapy, a creative outlet, a hobby, a meditation or mindfulness practice, moving your body regularly, someone to talk to that you trust…?

11. Do you practice self-care regularly? This means engaging regularly in intentional relaxation and things that you find enjoyable for example: mindfulness, yoga, exercise, massage, walking, deep breathing, social time with friends regularly, taking self-enrichment classes, spiritual connection, reading for fun, create art/music, listen to music, spending time in nature…?

Scoring:

• Give yourself 1 point each for a “Yes” on Questions 1-9

• Give yourself 1 point each for a “No” on Questions 10 & 11

• If your score is a 9 or higher you are most likely an emotional eater and it may be indicative of deeper concerns in relation to your relationship with food.

• If your score is a 4-8 you most likely turn to food for comfort and release of emotional and physical stress and are at risk of it becoming more disordered.

• If your score is 2-3 you may turn to food at times, but you most likely have some other outlets for your emotions as well and now is a good time to make choices about how to cope more effectively with the current stressors you are experiencing.

• If your score is a 0 or 1 you most likely are not an emotional/stress eater.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by your response, it’s ok, awareness is always the first step to creating meaningful change in your life. Often when you have been struggling with emotional or stress eating for some time, you don’t recognize the level of stress you experience. This is because you’ve been using food to not have to experience the depths of your emotions and stress, however if you are now becoming more aware, you may recognize the patterns more extensively.

When you have been numbing out the stress and uncomfortable emotions, it’s a process to begin to separate out your food choices from your emotions and there is a lot you can do to begin to empower yourself to break free from emotional and stress eating patterns.

If you are ready for another approach and have no idea of where to begin, you might begin by reading this blog: I Just Discovered I’m Emotional Eater, Now What? Once you are aware of the pattern you can start by tapping into your self-care and coping skills. Begin to discover what nourishes you that is not food. Connect with the inner workings of your emotional world and shift your relationship to them. Begin to manage your stress slowly and effectively.

Know that there is hope for healing and awareness is always the first step. If you need some support through the change process, I have written many blogs on the topic. This one is an overview of the 10-Steps to Create a Life You Love that may be a helpful place to begin (all 10 are written about in-depth if this one piques your interest!) I encourage you to read what resonates with you and begin to implement any suggestions that feel right for you.

I offer other resources on my resources page related to mindfulness and nutrition, you can check those out here and here. You can check out my book as a self-help guide, Wholistic Food Therapy: A Mindful Approach to Making Peace with Food, if you are interested, you can find it HERE.  I also offer individual coaching packages to those who prefer a one-on-one approach.

Another resource is my signature online program, Freedom From Emotional Eating. It is a 10-module online course designed to help you break free from emotional and stress eating patterns by addressing the struggle from the deepest roots. This is an in-depth, self-paced and mindfulness centered approach to make peace with food. It is currently significantly discounted to help those who may need extra support during these quarantined, isolating times. Now is the time to heal, to move forward and create the relationship with food and with yourself that you desire.

No matter what resources you access, I hope that you find the support you need during these challenging times. Opening yourself to change, growth and healing is life changing and empowering. That is what we all need during these challenging times. I hope this finds you safe and healthy. Be well!

Inner Strength Focus: Growing Temperance to Heal Emotional Eating

We are now halfway through deeply examining the six inner strengths that research points to living a full, happy life. I’ve been talking about how to grow these strengths in relation to the ability to create a healthy relationship with food and with your body. Just as a reminder, the first three were curiosity, vitality and giving and receiving love. The one we will examine today in relation to creating a peaceful relationship with food is temperance. Temperance is an inner resource of acceptance, forgiveness and compassion.

Growing the ability to create greater temperance as an inner strength and positive resource is not a task for the weary. It requires the ability to examine your ego’s desires, to observe your own blind spots and to let go—of a lot—mostly emotions…among other things. This is often much easier in a space of desire than in a space of putting it into practice. Our ego tends to be stubborn and likes to keep its heels dug into its neediness and beliefs about the way things should be. Letting go of some of the stuck emotions that create space for temperance to grow can be a challenge. 

When we apply temperance to an unhealthy relationship with food, it allows more ability to build acceptance that the dieting/restriction mentality that you may have been dancing with for years is damaging. When you build temperance you can forgive yourself for not treating your body in a kind manner—both through what you might have done (or still do it) with food. This could be restriction of certain foods, portions or over-doing-it with food. This also relates to the words and tone you use in your inner dialogue or even out loud about food and your body. Creating space for self-compassion is key and is often the last rung on ladder of temperance that we reach reach. So, let’s dig into this dynamic inner strength and start growing some temperance to reach a higher state of happiness and contentment within and, of course, to begin to make peace with food and with yourself. 

So, first let’s observe a scenario that represents a lack of temperance, where it’s not yet a strength, and then we’ll focus on how to develop, build and grow it over time. Without temperance we often blame others for our suffering, feel like a victim and ruminate on all of our problems over and over and over again. When you apply this to food and body image it’s a constant struggle with worrying about what to eat and then scolding yourself for your choices. Lack of temperance is making negative comments about our own body and even other peoples bodies. It’s holding onto anger and resentment about a number on a scale or a piece of cake (or maybe a few pieces of cake) that got eaten—or that you denied yourself. When we lack temperance we constantly feel like our food choices and our bodies are never going to be good enough and then feel angry about it and we end up over eating or over restricting/excessive exercise to punish ourselves—leading back into a vicious and dangerous cycle where food is the problem, food is the solution… This creates a desire to be “fixed” and we are yet again googling about the latest fad diet, exercise program or hypnosis program for weight loss…

The good news is that when temperance is instilled and nurtured as an inner strength the opposite of the above is possible (and if food/body image is not your vice or struggle you can plug in whatever your personal struggle may be to get the same end result). Acceptance is the foundation of temperance. To grow the ability to accept what is true in this moment without judgment or resistance is a serious challenge. Think about the last time you were sitting there thinking about just how content you are with everything in your life. It may not happen as often as you might like—if it has happened recently for you at all. Creating opportunities for acceptance will begin to create more peace and contentment.

The first place to begin is with offering acceptance to the present moment—just as it is. That means you accept the present moment without rejecting it, without trying to change it, and without judgment. This is mindfulness in action. When you are not in a state of acceptance you are most likely in a state of wishing for something, or in a state of wanting what you right now cannot have. This lack of acceptance for the present moment creates an experience of suffering. To apply this concept to your body image, think about this, if you are wishing for your body to look different that it currently does or for the number on the scale to be different than it is, then you are only perpetuating the experience of suffering in this moment. If you can be present with what is true and not judge it, you can make a choice. If you want something to change, how can you begin to make a series of choices that move you closer towards that change you desire? This can propel you you into action mode rather than victim/stagnancy mode/wishing and not doing anything to change your struggle mode.

Forgiveness and acceptance are interconnected. Forgiveness is the structure of temperance and can be defined like this: forgiveness is releasing the wish that the past could be been any different. Sounds a lot like acceptance, right? Forgiveness is an offering and a freeing so it incorporates acceptance and moves into letting go. When you hold onto resentment towards yourself or others you are holding onto toxic suppressed emotions that only create negative thought patterns. Forgiveness is not necessarily an easy process and generally is not a forced process but a very conscious letting go. This requires patience, knowing that it may take a good bit of time to forgive completely.

Forgiveness is a decision to let go over and over again and it can free you from the toxic emotions. If you are holding onto resentment towards yourself for your patterns with food or body image, you can practice forgiving yourself for eating a certain food. You can forgive yourself for restricting a certain food. You can forgive yourself for not starting today like you said you would, or for not getting in that workout you planned to do. When you forgive yourself you will feel more empowered to create the change you want from a place of self-compassion rather than from a place of self-loathing and resentment. When you operate out of self-compassion you allow yourself to be human and to struggle without punishing yourself for mistakes. This creates inner freedom and peace.

Practicing self-compassion is offering kindness and care towards yourself. You can free your judging thoughts, you can let go of trying to force something or control your food and get in touch with your body in a new, more intuitive way. When you do this, you create a space for understanding your process, your struggles, your low motivation and search for solutions that actually work and are driven out of kindness.

Four actions you can take, starting today to build temperance as an inner strength are:

1.    Practice mindfulness for 5 minutes and notice if you are attempting to judge or control the present moment. Can you align with what is true right now without attempting to change it?

2.    Use the affirmation: “In this moment I accept myself unconditionally” Your mind may try to immediately put conditions on your ability to accept yourself (if I was this size, if I looked this way, if I hadn’t eaten that, if I…) practice letting go of the conditions and continue stating it to yourself until you can just be with it as truth.

3.    Notice how you speak to yourself and practice forgiving yourself for anything you view as a mistake. If you find you are beating yourself up internally, stop, and say to yourself, “I forgive myself for _________________.” Notice how that feels to offer compassion and forgiveness.

4. Take action. Make a choice based on self-compassion, forgiveness and feel temperance growing within as you take action towards living in this space of acceptance.

If you practice these four elements this week, notice the impact and let me know how they work for you. Building the inner strength of temperance is a process, and not meant to be an overnight change. As you continue to grow these inner strengths and use them as internal supports to make peace with food, notice how impactful the way you interact with yourself can be. These strengths represent being and feeling strong from the inside out. When you are strong you demonstrate more resilience and more ability to be self-aware. I’d love to hear about your journey to building these inner strengths within!

Inner Strength Focus: Vitality to Heal Emotional Eating

Having a sense of inner vitality requires strength in both mind and body. Vitality as a personal strength requires choosing your health and wellbeing over temporary desire. When you are building and using the strength of vitality you are living in alignment with how you want to feel. Feeling vital requires opening yourself to the foundations of wellness: nutrition, movement, sleep and relaxation.

If you want to be well, feel well and live well, it is helpful to engage in a daily wellness practices. The path to wellness is individual and is best when it’s intuitive and aligns with your personal needs, schedule and natural rhythms rather than feeling like something you have to do, or something that is out of alignment with how you would choose to live. When you are truly approaching life with a sense of vitality as an inner strength, the choices do not feel like a chore, they don’t feel like a punishment, they feel natural, uplifting and ultimately enhance your life.

When you apply the inner strength of vitality to living in alignment with a mindful approach to making peace with food, mindfulness is at the core. When you are making mindful choices about how to treat yourself, your own inner wisdom and intuition is your most effective and useful guide. When you are making forced choices, you are giving away your power (like to a fad diet or exercise regimen) and it is unlikely that you will maintain those choices. 

Emotional eating zaps our vitality because it is the stuffing, avoiding and denying ourselves from feeling our feelings. Emotional eating does not leave much space for vitality and creates a drain on energy and emotional and physical wellbeing. When you approach managing your emotional world with vitality and a sense that emotions are neither good nor bad rather that they are valuable information about our inner world, you will build vitality through emotional awareness. When you are emotionally aware and no longer avoid or attempt to stuff your feelings with food, you naturally open up to honing the inner strength of vitality.

Begin with a simple and doable daily practice that will allow you to get in touch with your emotions. This could be journaling and/or a meditation practice. If you feel very out of touch with your emotions it can be beneficial to receive additional support such as therapy or a support group to help create a deeper awareness and acceptance of your emotions. When you approach the process of emotional awareness with vitality, it will create alignment with feeling empowered and healthy on a deeper level than simply attempting to eat well and exercise to control or maintain a particular physique. When you address the underlying emotions you will make choices based on experiencing an inner exuberance and truly living in vitality and vibrancy.

Begin today with noticing where you are making choices about your vitality that are NOT in alignment with how you want to feel. Ask yourself if you are engaging in certain wellness practices, why you have chosen these particular ones and is it for an outcome only—OR for a consistent experience of vitality?

Where are you not in alignment with how you want to feel?

Pick ONE area of wellness and begin to focus solely there. If it is nutrition, with each food choice you make throughout the day, ask yourself if it will increase your vitality. If not, it may not be the best choice as it is not in alignment with how you ultimately want to feel and the strength you are attempting to build. If the food choice WILL increase your vitality through pleasure, energy and possibly a shared positive experience, and yet you have been taught to label that particular food as a “bad” or “off-limits” food, remind yourself that vitality and nutrition are not about being perfect. In fact, restriction leads to overeating, less pleasure derived from eating and feelings of guilt and shame. If there is anything that will dampen your vitality it’s feeling guilt and shame surrounding your food choices—and you will only remain stuck in the damaging cycle of emotional eating.

This week pick ONE area of wellness (nutrition, movement, sleep or relaxation) where you’d like to increase your vitality. Start small and work to create this shift because it feels intuitively and authentically like what will improve your vitality and then allow it to continue to grow.